Dear Albert

Dear Albert,

Some people in this area are saying, “they’re not mad at you”

Well I am.

I now live with (what I now refer to my husband as), the crankiest roommate ever.

Today, when I was supposed to be watching the Today show while getting ready for work, my television was taken hostage by MLB network.  At one point, when asking my husband a question I was “shushed” until the segment about your ridiculous contract was done. At one point, one of the sports casters said that the likelihood of us seeing another player to your caliber may not happen for another 50 years. He’ll be 75. Thanks in advance.

I get it, you want money, and I can appreciate that. I get that the weather is nicer, the people are more beautiful and you can probably do naked yoga on your 22,000 square foot porch if you want to. I would definitely leave St. Louis as well if someone offered me that kind of money (who are we kidding, I would leave without any money involved whatsoever.. actually now that we are thinking about it, tell me, what is your secret? How does one “get traded” per se? I digress.)

But now, this is getting personal. I don’t think you understand what kind of implications your decisions have done to my personal life. He has compared you to several less than flattering political figures... and Bobby doesn't know anything about politcs.

Yesterday, said husband asked me if whether the first signs of depression are denial, sadness and then anger or denial, anger and then sadness. Your career choices, this is what he chooses to be upset about…well that and when no one offers him pizza at free lunches at the hospital.

The Cardinals Christmas tree I decorated for my husband is now tarnished. I have now wasted time and money on Cardinals ornaments, and my own hand painted baseball ornaments. I actually considered painting more with the players' jersey numbers. At least you saved me from doing that. For the record, I was in favor for another “owl” tree.

The hundreds of dollars that he spent in October to see you at the NCLS, NDLS, WS, (and the equivalent acronym for myself), FML games, are now tainted memories of lies that you told him. You realize, that he took a picture every time you were at bat, foreshadowing the fact that “this could be his last at bat in a Cardinals uniform”. Thanks for proving him right, might be the first time in history.

In a couple of years, you will just be a footnote in the history of the Cardinals baseball program. But 2012 is going to be the worst year ever. Each time the Cardinals lose; guess whose fault it will be, according to the Gospel of Bob? Yours. Guess what will happen with the 4^th player in the batting line up strikes out? “Albert would have hit that”

On top of it all, I can’t give Bobby the one thing he asked for, for Christmas. He wanted you to stay.

FYI, we’re talking about an almost 26 year old man-child.

And now, I have to track down an Ipad 2 in less than 15 days. You owe me $500.

Sincerely,

Disgruntled Wife and Kansas City transplant who doesn’t give a hoot about baseball.